21 Aug 2019 09:00 - 21 Aug 2019 10:28#374677by mapoui
contact! Aftah dis I am done, gone, moved on period.
No one of course.. will miss me, or care about what I do. but true as dat is there is more to it, some of it nice..like music, and cricket..and some of the great men and women produced by the west indies to whom I had access in the usual ways..reading of them
part of that is that I was screwed by the west indies..royally. Village Belle of course thinks simply that I am evil man to be written off, washed away. but what the hell do I care about Village Belle and her opinion?
Village Bell is a brown skin west Indian Muslim woman of Pakistani origin. west indian niggers are of no concern to such people..never were! not in my time and place.
all contact with such people I remember as abrasive, harsh and negative, contemptuous of me..from their side not mine...especially where they were school teachers whose class I was in.
and with one massive exception I came to hate west indian female teachers in the schools I attended with a passion..all of them regardless of ethnic origin. ethnicity made little difference. they were all brutal to lil Black boys. and the 'the Indian ones additionally, were racist
I don't know Village Belle as a west indian teacher...she just reads like the ones I used to know..harsh, limited and dismissive of such as I wholly.
I don't know Village Belle at all..and I don't want to. but in passing and descriptive of the west indies, of 'home', my attitude relative to such as her, developed over the years seems apt here, fitting..totally familiar
but I always thought of the west indies as home, that all I was developed there, began there. and in the conditions of the world, its active anti-black state existence, I had to fight for home, for 'my people' so I fought for them.
but I was fighting for nutten and for no one. the west indies was not and is not home but a collection of ethnic entities on a chain of islands/Guyana, within a white over-lordship that is nothing if not a fickle, socially empty tourist destination, that found global-level expertise and efficiency in a game called cricket, and in nothing else.
the west indies is also a religious enclave of mass belief, turgid and by doctrine rigid, and at the same time massively hypocrite and proportionally corrupt in all ways socially.
all the religions in the west Indies were particularly corrupt..totally so..the catholic church moreso, with the priests 'bullin' nuff young boys..and some of the boys hip to the game gave up their 'cacaholes' for money..pittances or so I knew. what really went on by the money I don't know.. not part of it myself.
but I was stunned when I saw those I knew involved going to take communion on Sundays in full sin..in fact SIN..without even confession on Saturday
one reason for all the social corruption is that the west indies is a starved out space, for no reason save the white man made it so, fooled the people into believing that the only form of wealth is the form he said it was, educated them in shit, fostered total religion and limited all opportunity. so the people felt and prolly still do feel that they have nothing, live starved lives and fight tooth and nail for the pittances of 'white fake wealth' made available to them in that region.
such wealth, achieving any of it depending on the means of income one attains, can be achieved by getting a good job. such jobs are few and the struggle for them is mighty among young people in particular. young women sell their bodies for such..and no doubt young men as well...the men and women of some power, who control those jobs become arbiters of the bodies of those young men and women.
those who have inside track to those people of some power and can make a 'contact' to get a selected one an interview and a leg on on a job... can also profit from their position close to the 'power' that kind of life has literally made the west indies a whorehouse of a total and exquisitely efficient kind. some form of sexual 'cuckholdery', chicanery and trickery, with your daughter, your wife, your sister, your mother, even the male side too..and friends... could be taking place right up under your nose and you don't see, cant see... so sharp is the whoring done in the west indies
but the west indies is not a poor place. there is unused land and water resources, all over the west indies that could produce 'nuff food for the region. instead west indies land resources remain fallow when they are done being used for sugar cane, cocoa and coffee, cotton and such corporate crops..while the people buy and eat imported food of dubious quality
that is one reason why the west indies are poor. another is whatever resources they have, that they earn, is plundered by international finance, leaving the west indies without much essential infrastructure..on aspect of which is potable drinking water, in a region where there is more than enough to go around. there is now old and insufficient water collection, treatment and distribution in the region..no money to build any new systems..even to maintain the old limited systems actually built..by the colonialist way back in the past
and when any west indian territory is forced to make an attempt to alleviate the desperate water situation in the island, they are directed to forrin construction companies, by their lord and master the USA, to build their effort. which of course is even more corruption and plunder. the forrin company overcharges, there are kickbacks all along the line..major expansion of corruption.
of course the forrin construction company delivers a shoddy, cost over-run product that begins to fail almost immediately, as soon as the ribbons are cut
I am no saint you know but Trinidad busted me up know..from the start. and development over the past 12-15 years literally destroyed me..which is why for that time I have been posting here trying to get hold of myself one more time
my better half loved her west indian friends. I hated them. they were a source of problems in our life. then my wife died and they became an even greater danger spreading my name all over the world as the killer of my wife and all manner of things. do you have any idea of what it was like then..my wife gone holding my family together.
oh god! you don't know what it was like..my children just out of university battling with early careers and all fell apart just like that. and in all the hurt and pain there was a bunch of west indian people snapping at our heels in full frontal attack on me..us really. I had to deal with all of that and keep my family together.
I had no idea others were watching and were concerned about us but could not interfere. we were on on our won but had their best wishes. that Christmas when we gathered by my daughters place and began calling the family as we usually do they were all surprised we had held together. some had crossed their fingers but expected the worse. we held together and my children were safe. but I had battled the world. I was not safe.
it was my mother in law who most surprised me. she was euphoric, amazed that we had held together and were getting on. she emphasized that she was totally committed to us and would be there for us forever
my my was rubbish in the are..i got attacked and punched out where I used to play horses. the Black guys I spoke with stopped talking to me. my name even reached this board right here in total negativity. do you know that once reason I stayed here is because ketchim is the only one period who said one good word about me in all of it. ketchim knows which is why I refer to him as my biographer
I attack ketchim and all dat but there is much about him I really like. he talks to me you see, he is not rigidly racist like most Pakistani and Arabs I know. so ketchim is fine. despite the attacks I am on his side and give him his jacket fully. he was a lil oasis of green in an arid situation.
I even began to blame myself for my wife's death. just last week my daughter told me Dad you did not kill Mom you know. we know why she died. yes we did. we could not get her to eat right. she insisted on eating nonsense, eating sugared things, her arteries had hardened and she had no chance by then really.
I thought my wife would come back home and we would nurse her back to health. I had a lot of women in life..she was the one. in 12 years I have not even looked at another woman, cant imagine myself with another woman. can you beat that? me..who sexed all the time have not the slightest urge for another woman, or sex period. incredible but I am a cool man now, by myself in need of no woman. for 12 years no sex and no concern about it at all..not even thinking about it..not even once..at peace
now that I talk about it I am amazed but that is the way it is. and it is not as if women have not been attracted. they have been. I never do..or did.. a thing about it regardless of the current
i guess that is an indication of how things were. and these people got into my life and did their best to smash it..west indians, mostly Trinidadians and Indian to. and a couple of husbands were involved to.
now there is a former friend of mine, a dougla, nasty-minded impse trying to poison the mind of my son against me..a man whom I gave business to.
that is the thing about west indians..that is all they know how to do..jealousy for god knows what..all and every reason..to get into each others lives and try to make pigs breakfasts. you cant trust as west indian further than you can see them. they love to spot weakness in you then exploit or have contempt for you because they have seen in you what they consider to be weakness.
and all west indians are like that..all ethnicity regardless
and my weakness..my intellect and ideological orientation which is not money but politics and social change. that you see is the situation...I am an asshole to be so concerned. who gives a phuck! so they laff at me and stab me behind my back. and it all came together and my name became mud everywhere.
nothing happens in a vacuum. I have had my delinquency but there was more than adequate cause..serious trauma inducing injury and several by some of those same female teachers I mentioned.
now that I am just about back to myself, walking again not crawling I don't give a phuck about the west indies. all I have gotten from the west indies from ah lil bwoy is wood! wood! wood! and more wood. I am now recovering from the last delivery so no more. i will have nutten more to do with the west indies. I will die a Canadian or an African..in Africa....not in the west indies. fuck the west indies man! and that is heartfelt, the truth no matter what. fuck the west indies